The Fifteenth Post in the “Oh My Achin’ Head” Series: Louie Gohmert Says the Repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and Massages Will Make the Military “Vulnerable to Terrorism” (VIDEOS)

Rep. Louie Gohmert Texas

Rep. Louie Gohmert


By Elaine Magliaro

It was just a matter of time before Rep. Louie Gohmert of Texas became the subject of one of my posts in the “Oh My Achin’ Head” Series. Gohmert—who, Charles Pierce once said, was “perhaps the dumbest mammal to enter a legislative chamber since Caligula’s horse”—is known for his strange speeches and lectures about various and sundry topics on the floor of the House and during committee meetings. Over the years, those subjects have included bestiality, necrophilia, terrorist babies, and the sex lives of caribou.


Rep. Gohmert attacks DADT, Hate Crimes bill

Last week, Gohmert was an “in-studio” guest on the Point of View radio program. According to Right Wing Watch, Gohmert “had been railing against the Obama administration’s decision to send several thousand members of the U.S. military to Western Africa to assist in the effort to control the Ebola outbreak…and how that was “the latest example of the administration demonstrating its fundamental disdain for the military.” Then, for some unknown reason, Gohmert went off on a tangent and began to criticize “the repeal of the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy in the most perfectly Gohmert-esque fashion imaginable.”


“I’ve had people say, ‘Hey, you know, there’s nothing wrong with gays in the military. Look at the Greeks,'” he said. “Well, you know, they did have people come along who they loved that was the same sex and would give them massages before they went into battle. But you know what, it’s a different kind of fighting, it’s a different kind of war and if you’re sitting around getting massages all day ready to go into a big, planned battle, then you’re not going to last very long. It’s guerrilla fighting. You are going to be ultimately vulnerable to terrorism and if that’s what you start doing in the military like the Greeks did … as people have said, ‘Louie, you have got to understand, you don’t even know your history.’ Oh yes I do. I know exactly. It’s not a good idea.”



Sure, Louie, sure! Our military will be vulnerable to terrorism because all the gay soldiers will be too busy getting massages. Oh my achin’ head!!!!!



Louie Gohmert: Gays Shouldn’t Serve In The Military Because Massages Will Make Them Vulnerable To Terrorism (Right Wing Watch)

Gohmert: Gays ‘Getting Massages All Day’ Make The Military ‘Vulnerable To Terrorism’ (Talking Points Memo)

Louie Gohmert Opposes Gun Control Because Gay Marriage Leads to Bestiality (Right Wing Watch)

Rep. Louie Gohmert: Hate crimes bill will lead to Nazism, legalization of necrophilia, pedophilia, and bestiality. (ThinkProgress)

Louie Gohmert: Best caribou wingman ever (Washington Post)

Rep. Louie Gohmert Is Talking About Caribou Sex In Congress (Wonkette)

Louie Gohmert Gets Pantsed (Esquire)


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14 Responses to The Fifteenth Post in the “Oh My Achin’ Head” Series: Louie Gohmert Says the Repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and Massages Will Make the Military “Vulnerable to Terrorism” (VIDEOS)

  1. bigfatmike says:

    I am no whiz at military strategy but maybe the gay guys and the straight guys could take turns getting massages so there would always be someone on guard?

  2. Bob Kauten says:

    “Gohmert—who, Charles Pierce once said, was “perhaps the dumbest mammal to enter a legislative chamber since Caligula’s horse”
    I take issue with that characterization. Caligula’s horse was far more intelligent than Louie Gohmert.
    That comparison may be valid if you are comparing Louie Gohmert to the part of Caligula’s horse that entered the legislative chamber, last.

  3. buckaroo says:

    So, what does this have to do with the price of rice in China – even Caligula’s horse ?

  4. blouise17 says:

    Is there some way we can get the republicans to put this guy on their Presidential ticket for 2016? He is a perfect, modern-day Republican.

  5. pete says:

    to paraphrase Willie Nelson in Red headed stranger

    for you can’t hang a man
    for killin a woman
    who’s tryin to f*ck your horse

    (last i heard texas has tried and failed three times to pass a law against bestiality)

  6. Mike Spindell says:

    I remember many years ago a long forgotten legislator defending laws against homosexuality by saying that if it was legal then everyone would be doing it. At the time I surmised that this legislator was struggling with his own gay issues. With Gohmert though I don’t think he is smart enough to “struggle” with any issues. His continued election is a testament the ignorance at times of certain members of the electorate.

    • James Knauer says:

      Elaine, visit any swampland that poses for comments on political sites, and you get all manner of men (and only men) resorting to lurid descriptions of the precise homoerotica they claim to loath. Methinks they doth protesteth overmuch.

  7. James,

    Surely that firsthand knowledge is the result of sweaty, hot, naughty, and in depth exhausting exhaustive “research”. :mrgreen:

    • James Knauer says:

      Gene, ROFL! Well, what kind of forum moderator would I be if I didn’t sashay march right into the lion’s den to see exactly how not to do it? My personal favorite is “bwuce” for it’s mind-numbing obscurity.

  8. Elaine M. says:

    Colbert Takes Apart ‘History Buff’ Louie Gohmert For Remarks About Gay Massage In The Military
    Dim bulb Louie Gohmert got the treatment he deserved on this Monday’s The Colbert Report.

    After telling his audience that he agrees with Gohmert and that he “knows his history, or he may have just been watching the gay version of the film 300,” Colbert said he stands with Gohmert because he’s been the subject of some mockery himself.

    COLBERT: I’m with you sir. People have said to me, Stephen, you’ve got to understand, you don’t even know your history. You’re dumb. You’re dense. You’re a mental midget with the IQ of a butter dish whose mind is a black hole that sucks all surrounding thought into it in an infinite singularity of sheer stupidity.

    Stephen, I’m surprised you can even dress yourself. I bet you have to rub peanut butter inside your lips to remember to open your mouth to breath. I have never met, and I hope to never meet again a man so pervasively, astoundingly unyieldingly ignorant.

    To which I say, well then, you haven’t met Louie Gohmert.

  9. The video was great Elaine, thank you. I think that is the most worked up I have ever seen Colbert become. Hilarity ensued.

  10. Pingback: Rep. Louie Gohmert for President????? | Flowers For Socrates

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