By Elaine Magliaro
Here are some of my original “fractured” nursery rhymes. Note: The poem Jack and June was included in a children’s poetry anthology titled My Cat Is in Love with the Goldfish and Other Loopy Love Poems. The book was published by A & C Black (London) in 2010.
JACK AND JUNE
Jack and June went to the moon,
Crash-landed in a crater.
Jack broke his nose and seven toes.
(He’s a crummy navigator!)
Jack cried in pain. June tried in vain
To soothe her injured mate.
She bound his toes and kissed his nose
And asked him for a date.
Jack and June began to swoon…
Fell mad in love and they
Returned to Earth, their place of birth…
And wed the very next day.
MARY HAD A LITTLE MOON
Mary had a little moon.
It shone just like a star.
And everywhere that Mary went
She brought it in a jar.
She sneaked it into class one day,
Which was against the rule—
But teacher smiled because it was
The brightest thing at school.
HUMPTY DUMPTY
Humpty Dumpty sat on a star.
Humpty Dumpty started to char.
All of the astronauts raced to his side…
But when they reached him
Poor Humpty was fried!
LITTLE JACK QUASAR
Little Jack Quasar
Sat with a laser
Cutting his cosmic pie.
He stuck in his spoon
And scooped out a moon
And said, “It is full…so am I!”
THIS LITTLE PIGGY
This little piggy went to Saturn.
This little piggy went to Mars.
This little piggy zoomed his rocket ship
Around a zillion stars.
But THIS little piggy read comic books
At home
And smoked cigars.
LUCKY MARY
Mary had a lotta luck
At Shoot the Wad Casino.
She worked the slots and rolled the dice
And won ten games of keno.
When Mary cashed in all her chips,
She gotta lotta dough.
Now every fella in our town
Sure wants to be her beau!
CRINKLE, CRINKLE, MY OLD FACE
Crinkle, crinkle, my old face…
It’s got wrinkles every place.
It’s got crow’s feet; it’s got creases.
The aging process never ceases.
Saggy, baggy, flaccid skin—
I’ve got a droopy double chin.
I need a facelift, botox, too…
Then I’ll look as young as you!
********************
There is a collection of rollicking fractured nursery rhymes for young children titled Monster Goose. The poetical parodies were written by Judy Sierra and the madcap cartoon-like illustrations were created by artist Jack E. Davis. The book includes two dozen verses that are sure to get kids laughing—verses like this one about a fellow named Cannibal Horner:
Cannibal Horner
Sat in a corner
Eating a people potpie.
He bit his own thumb
And cried, “Oh, yum, yum,
A tasty young morsel am I!”
And this one about Mary who had a vampire bat instead of a little lamb:
Mary had a vampire bat.
His fur was black a s night.
He followed her to school one day
And promised not to bite.
She brought him out for show-and-tell;
The teacher screamed and ran.
And school was canceled for a week,
Just a Mary planned.
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Flowers For Socrates 
LOL Elaine! My 11 year old grandson would absolutely love them all, he’s a boy, you know gruesome grimy gofer guts ‘n all that.
When I saw these, I thought about 22-month-old Jack, wandering through the house begging for “More cawpee? MORE cawpee?!”
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2014/08/21/1323424/-The-toddler-drank-espresso
Elaine,
My 6 year-old granddaughter, who will be starting Kindergarten on Monday, and I had some quiet time yesterday to sit and read the poems you posted. Her favorite was LITTLE JACK QUASAR.
Here’s her latest poem … we have been learning about rhyming … and you have to understand that she loves Elaine’s Almond cake …
Elaine makes a cake.
She can bake.
Elaine makes poems
In her home?
(Sure, Maddi… home rhymes with poem but I’ll leave it as a question. Elaine was a teacher. She’ll get it.)
blouise,
Thanks for that. It’s never to soon to encourage children to learn to appreciate and write poetry.
Maddi was using poetic license. Good for her!
Elaine,
She told her mom she had made a poem for the “Poet Cake Lady”.
We illustrated the poem which means, I wrote her poem on a piece of drawing paper then she drew and colored a picture. The picture is a lady carrying a cake (with candles … she just had a birthday) and above the lady’s head is one of those circles, I think they’re called “speech balloons”, with a bunch of random letters inside it. She hung the masterpiece on her refrigerator and told her mom you had made the cake with your hands and you were making the poem in you head … “at home” cause “head” doesn’t rhyme with “poem”.
Then she went to karate and beat the snot out of some sweet, little 8 year-old boy.
It’s a challenge …
blouise,
Maddi sounds like my kind of kid!
There really bad you need to make it more descriptive and more colorful
This website is so not helpful
Stupid people
OMG!!!! You guys disappointed me
OMG!!!!
Elaine Magliaro
You suck Elaine sorry to say
You are a show of
Your website is not good and not helpful at all
You are wasting my time on going on your website and because of you I failed on my ELA project for nursery rhyme
You are selfish
Well then! Glad we cleared that up.
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on the toilet
Doing her daily do
Along came a spider
Sat down beside her
And said, “I gotta go when you’re through.”
Old Mother Hupboard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog, Abone.
When she got there, Abone peed in her hair because he preferred to be known as Tyrone.