By Elaine Magliaro
Pat Robertson made the news once again this week. The televangelist/media mogul/chairman of the Christian Broadcasting Network/conman for Jesus told his viewers on Monday “that people who smoked marijuana, used cocaine or consumed alcohol had been enslaved by vegetables.” John Amato (Crooks and Liars) said he doubted “Pat Robertson would do very well on Jeopardy or any other game show or puzzle that asked for correct answers to posed questions because as a man of God, he just makes sh*t up.”
The host of the 700 Club said, “God gave you and me as human beings authority, he gave us dominion over everything on this Earth. Over all the animals, all the snakes, all the birds, all the plants, all the vegetables.” The founder of Regent University added, “Cocaine is the product of a vegetable, alcohol is the product of a vegetable, marijuana is a vegetable.” Robertson wasn’t done yet, though. “And yet, people are enslaved to vegetables. And you were made in the image of God. God made you in his image to reign and rule with him. He gave you incredible authority,” he continued.
Then the former Baptist minister asked, “Why would you become a slave to a vegetable? Why? Why would you do it?”
David Edwards (Raw Story):
Robertson said that he had “seen a lot of stuff” in his lifetime so he understood that people had a lot of problems, “but God Almighty can deliver you from the bondage of your addiction.”
“Your slavery to vegetables, he can set you free,” he insisted.
Edwards noted that the United States Department of Agriculture has officially classified cannabis as an “herb.”
Pat Robertson: Smoking marijuana is ‘slavery to vegetables’
Kaili Joy Gray (Wonkette)
Televangelist conman-for-Jesus crazy mofo Pat Robertson has scammed a lot of money over the years by offering “the Lord’s” pro-tips on his teevee show, the 700 Club. We could devote 29 hours a day to watching him and trying to make jokes for you about what a crazy mofo that crazy mofo really is. However, we don’t have that kind of time, nor have we enough spoons with which to stab ourselves in the ear, so we limit ourselves (and you, dear readers, YOU’RE WELCOME) to the best of his worst. Like how yoga will turn you into a Hindu-speaking devil worshipper. Or how Jesus wants you to get rich quick by investing in oil, NOT abortion pills. Or why you should not touch that dirty orphan because you don’t know where it’s been.
Gray said that the folks at Wonkette were “connoisseurs”…of Robertson’s most “Holy shit!” moments. She thinks Robertson’s comments about people being enslaved by vegetables may be the “very best holy shittiest series of words ever spewed from his leathery face hole. EVER.”
Pat Robertson: People Who Are Addicted To Drugs Are ‘Enslaved By Vegetables’ (Crooks and Liars)