by NONA BLYTH CLOUD

I’m in the mood for a Trip to the Zoo, and I think Hilaire Belloc (1870-1953) will be the perfect guide. His classic books, The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts,
and More Beasts for Worse Children, prove his knowledge of beasties large and small. (He’d be one of my favorite satirists even if he hadn’t written The Cruise of the Nona, but my discovery of that book certainly clinched our literary friendship.)

If you are unfamiliar with Monsieur Belloc, and would like to know more about his most interesting life, I refer you to my earlier profile of him, Word Cloud: WHIRLIGIG. Access here: https://flowersforsocrates.com/2017/09/15/word-cloud-whirligig/

And now, on to the Zoo.

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Since they are favorites of our guide, let’s begin with Herbivores and Ruminants.

The Bison

The Bison is vain, and (I write it with pain)
The Door-mat you see on his head
Is not, as some learned professors maintain,
The opulent growth of a genius’ brain;
But is sewn on with needle and thread.

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The Gnu

G stands for Gnu, whose weapon of defence
Are long, sharp, curling horns, and common sense.
To these he adds a name so short and strong,
That even hardy Boers pronounce it wrong.
How often on a bright autumnal day
The pious people of Pretoria say,
‘Come, let us hunt the______’ Then no more is heard
but sounds of strong men struggling with a word;
Meanwhile the distant Gnu with grateful eyes
Observes his opportunity and flies.

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The Dromedary

The Dromedary is a cheerful bird:
I cannot say the same about the Kurd.

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This next animal is “mostly” a Herbivore, so he fits best here:

The Hippopotamus

I shoot the Hippopotamus
With bullets made of platinum,
Because if I use leaden ones
His hide is sure to flatten ’em.

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