Crisis of Freedom Vanilla Creamer in the armed East Oregon bantustan standoff

By ann summers


one militiaman called himself “Fluffy Unicorn”

Apparently there is a shortage of Freedom Vanilla Creamer at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge among other necessities in the Eastern Oregon Bundy sleepover.

Unfortunately new groups of armed fellow travelers have offered their munitions for an already taxed patriot larder. Alas, they didn’t bring snacks, French or otherwise, but the #BundyEroticFanFic tweets keep on coming and the standoff has yet to be resolved in its second week.

Five days ago The Pacific Patriot Network, an umbrella group for militias in the region, said it did not support seizing federal property even if it understood the underlying frustration with the federal government. 

Yet they showed up yesterday, long guns locked and loaded

Ammon Bundy, the leader of the militia, had no idea a new group of armed men would be coming, according to Todd Macfarlane, who said he was acting as a liaison between the militia and the public.

“Ammon felt blindsided,” Macfarlane said. “This was not a welcome development. We are trying to de-escalate here – then boom, they all show up.”

Many of the men with the so-called Pacific Patriot Network declined to speak to reporters, saying they had orders to abide by a “media blackout”. Some were carrying semi-automatic rifles…

Pete Santilli, a rightwing radio host attending the occupation, said he called his contacts at the Pacific Patriot Network earlier in the week and suggested they help provide security – since it was clear the local sheriff’s office was not going to intervene if anything got out of hand.

When the men first arrived in the morning, Santilli said: “This is the safest I’ve felt since I’ve been here.”

On Saturday, Ammon Bundy’s mother, Carol Bundy, sent an email to supporters asking them to send her son’s group supplies from a list of more than 80 items, including sleeping bags, wool socks, cigarettes, toiletries, food, coffee and “French Vanilla Creamer.”

While things were quiet at the refuge’s entrance Sunday, on Saturday a separate group of armed men arrived but left several hours later after occupation leaders told them they weren’t needed.

The Pacific Patriot Network showed up Saturday in a convoy of about 18 vehicles, carrying rifles and handguns and dressed in military attire and bulletproof vests. They said they were there to help with security. They departed the refuge area after LaVoy Finicum said the network’s help was appreciated, but “we want the long guns put away.”

forgot aprans(sic) and Miracle Whip



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6 Responses to Crisis of Freedom Vanilla Creamer in the armed East Oregon bantustan standoff

  1. I have been putting together a shopping list of things they will find essential for frontier living on the range. So far I am stuck on instant latte, chai tea, KY lubricant and ribbed Trojans. I am open to further suggestions for a care package.

  2. bigfatmike says:

    You people are heartless. Those guys are struggling to preserve our right for them to use federal land anyway they want without paying for it – all without so much as French vanilla creamer for their coffee to ward off the chill morning air. Oh the pain, the humanity.

    What we need are some volunteers to drive them to the nearest Dunkin’ Donuts.

  3. bfm,
    Maybe we should drive those donut holes somewhere for a dunkin’.

  4. I’m pretty sure they aren’t those kinda holes, Chuck, and if they are, something has gone terribly wrong at the bakery.

    It may be time to incarcerate cut out breakfast pastries.

  5. shortfinals says:

    Dear Chuck,

    You are just plain heartless, you know that don’t you? KY gets terribly COLD don’t you know! I’m suggesting an EXTRA large tub of warming Vaseline, and a DVD of ‘The Revenant’ in case there are any bears around. That and a copy of ‘Miss Euphemia Farnsworth’s Guide to Dainty Tea-time Sandwiches’!

  6. pete says:

    These boys are really letting Hank Jr down.

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